


Memory Lane

by Werewolfgirl44



Series: Dean and His Angels (Cas/Dean/Gabe) [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Dean Winchester, Angel Powered Dean Winchester, Angel Wings, Angels, Angst, Bonding, Castiel Takes Care of Dean Winchester, Character Death, Charater Death-Gabriel, Curses, Dark Sam Winchester, Dean Bears The Mark of Cain, Dean Hates Himself, Dean Hates Witches, Dean Winchester takes a vacation, Dean-Centric, Demon Dean Winchester, Demons, Dreams, Dreamsharing, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, Episode Tag, Episode: s01e10 Asylum, Episode: s03e10 Dream a Little Dream, Episode: s04e21 When the Levee Breaks, Episode: s04e22 Lucifer Rising, Episode: s05e14 My Bloody Valentine, Episode: s05e19 Hammer of the Gods, Episode: s06e20 The Man Who Would Be King, Episode: s08e01 We Need to Talk About Kevin, F/M, Feels, Gabriel Fluff, Gabriel Lives, Gabriel Returns, Gabriel Takes Care of Dean Winchester, Gabriel is a Little Shit, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mark of Cain, Mean Sam, Memories, Memory Related, Multi, Multiple Partners, OOC Dean Winchester, POV Dean Winchester, Protective Castiel, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Gabriel, Protectiveness, Soul Marking, Soulless Sam Winchester, The Impala - Freeform, Threesome - M/M/M, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Wing Dismorphia, Wing Grooming, Wing Oil, Winged Castiel, Winged Dean Winchester, Winged Gabriel, Witch Curses, Witches, memory sharing, mmm, needs a tissue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-02
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-03-10 03:40:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3275330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Werewolfgirl44/pseuds/Werewolfgirl44
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While fighting a coven of very old, very powerful witches Sam and Dean and Cas are transported into Dean’s worst memories and forced to watch them. They see the dream root memory, Sam picking ruby, Sam letting out Lucifer and the after effects, letting Dean be turned into a vampire, after purgatory, and what famine says to him along with some others.  Sam is pissed because Dean had told him he didn't see anything just looked for Sam in his dream during the dream root incident, but obviously that's not what happened.  Sam learns about this and about how much Dean gave up for him this leads to a fight where Sam says its Deans fault for staying hunting after the apocalypse instead of going back with Lisa before telling Dean it's his fault that he couldn't have a normal life with Amelia. Sam then walks out leaving Dean alone. Cas has heard the argument, seen the memories, and is there to pick up the pieces with a (shockingly) alive Gabriel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hunt Gone Bad

**Author's Note:**

> First:  
> All recognizable works and writing belong to the show Supernatural and the writers of the episodes I reference. No copyright intended. not being paid for this publication.  
> Second:  
> There are spoilers inside. Read at your own risk.  
> Third:  
> OOC Sam and Dean inside please forgive that, and hope you enjoy.

Dean POV

Sam and I had been in Nowhere, Indiana for a week now on the trail of a coven of witches before we finally figured out where they would be having their meeting. These witches were into some real heavyweight dark magic praying to Samhain and Lucifer to work their magic. 

We had just packed Baby and were heading out to scope out the abandoned house the witches had their alter set in before confronting them tonight.

We arrived and headed in and the first thing we noticed was a huge black alter with human bones, blood, crossroad dirt, vervain, wolfsbane, and other assorted herbs and nasty stuff.

“Look at this Dean. I think they know who we are.” Sam said holding up pictures of us with blood on them. The picture of me had symbols on it along with the blood. 

“Freaking witches man. They’re so nasty!” I said as I walked past a decomposing rabbit. “You know if they have us marked we need to hurry and gank the bitches before they finish the spell.” I said as I reached past the alter to open a hidden door I had just found. 

“Dean wait!” I heard Sam yell and turned just in time to see him grab my arm to supposedly pull me back. The abandoned house we were in disappeared and we were now standing in a hall with a door at the end. 

“What the hell Sam!?! Why’d you do that?” I asked.

“The symbols that were on your photo didn’t you see them on the door frame? When you turned the knob they lit up and when I reached out to grab you it felt like something yanked me through the door with you.” Sam said looking around.

I started looking around as well and that’s when I realized we weren’t in the old house we had been in five minutes ago. 

“Dean, where the hell are we?” Sam asked.


	2. The Beginning of the End

Dean POV

“I’m not sure, Sammy. But this, this place looks familiar I know I’ve seen it befo—Son of a bitch! I know where we are.” I can’t believe that we’re here. Oh god what if Sam sees the stuff I’ve hidden in here.

“Where the hell is here?” Sam asked.

“My head Sam. We’re in my head. Fucking witches man.” I said.

“Well how the hell do we get out of here? I don’t want to be stuck in your head forever. How do we get out of here?” Sam asked.

Suddenly I remembered all the times Cas visited my dreams and I knew that if anyone could join us and get us the hell out of here it would be him. This has to work because the place we are in is the vault of bad memories in my mind and Sam didn’t need to be privy to those.

“Dear Castiel who art busy fixing heaven. If you have a moment me and Sam could really use your help. Some witches trapped us in my head if you could please get us out of here. Breaker, breaker.” I opened my eyes again and looked around.

“It didn’t work Dean. He’s not here. Maybe he--” Sam said, but I was busy looking over his shoulder at Cas who was walking towards us.

“Sam shut up and turn around.” I interrupted. 

“Dean what happened?” Cas asked as he stopped beside me.

“We were on a hunt and the witches we were after threw some spell at us and one of them grabbed me—I guess that focused it on me—and then we ended up here. Can you get us out of here?” I questioned.

“Yes of course Dean.” Cas said as he reached and placed two fingers on mine and Sammy’s heads. We waited and nothing happened.

“Um Cas we’re still here.” I said.

“Yes I know. Something is keeping me from taking you out and from leaving now that I am here. I believe that this is a very old spell and the only way to break it is to finish it. We are going to have to follow the path out of your consciousness. We should go through the door and then we will have to watch whatever memory the room contains before the next door will appear. Do you know where this door leads?” Cas asked.

“I’m not sure exactly, but you’re not gonna like it. This is the place I keep all the worst memories so I don’t have to think about them. Is there any way I can go through alone and then we’ll all be free since the spell was aimed at me? I promise no one wants to see what’s on the other side.” I was worried Sam would hate me for this. I’m just glad I don’t keep memories of Hell or Purgatory in here but rather in the deepest parts of my mind locked down in a vault.

“I am afraid not Dean. We must all go through together now.” Cas said.

“It can’t be that bad Dean. We can handle it. Let’s just hurry and get the hell out of here so we can catch the witches before they can skip town.” Sam said striding forward to open the door. I turned to follow with Cas close on my heels. When the door shut behind us I noticed the run down room and my younger self kneeling in the corner and internally grimaced at the thought of what memory this was.

“Hey I know this. This is that Asylum with the Ellicott guy right? This is a bad memory? Why? We killed the ghost and we weren’t hurt, and we saved those two kids.” Sam was asking but I just ignored him because I knew what was about to happen. I felt Cas place his hand on my shoulder in support because he knew what was coming. He had seen it in my mind before. I turned around just as the scene started.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
[Memory 1 starts]

Sam-Dean. (Raises shotgun at Dean, Dean looks shocked, blood drips down Sammy’s nose) Step back from the door.   
(Dean stands and turns to face Sammy)  
Dean-Sam put the gun down.   
Sam-Is that an order?  
Dean-It's more of a friendly request  
Sam-Cause I’m getting pretty tired of taking your orders.   
Dean-I knew it. Ellicott did something to you, didn't he?  
Sam-For once in your life shut your mouth.   
Dean-What are you going to do Sam? The guns filled with rock salt it's not gonna kill me.   
(Sam shoots Dean in the chest and he flies through the door into another room.)  
Sam-No but it'll hurt like hell.   
(Dean wakes up gasping and coughing)  
Dean-Sam. We've got to burn Ellicott's bones, then all this will be over, and you'll be back to normal.   
Sam-I am normal. I'm just telling the truth for the first time. I Mean, why are we even here? Cause you're following dad's orders like a good little soldier? Cause you always do what he says without question? Are you that desperate for his approval?  
Dean-This isn't you talking Sam.   
Sam-That's the difference between you and me. I have a mind of my own. I'm not pathetic like you.   
Dean-So what are you going to do? Are you going to kill me?   
Sam-I am sick of doing what you tell me to do. We're no closer to finding dead today then we were six months ago.   
Dean-Well then here. Let me make it easier for you. (Dean reaches into his jacket and pulls out his handgun) go on take it. Real bullets are gonna work a Hell of a lot better than rock salt. Take it.   
(Dean is handing the gun to Sam and Sam snatches it. Pointing it at Dean.)  
Dean-You hate me that much? You think you can kill your own brother? (A look of resignation falls over Dean’s face. He has accepted his fate.) Then go ahead. Pull the trigger. DO IT!  
(Sam pulls the trigger and it clicks. He pulls it 2 more times. Dean reaches up and hits him in the face with the gun before getting up.)  
Dean-Man, I’m not gonna give you loaded pistol.   
(Knocks Sam out. Then pats him on the back.)  
Dean-Sorry, Sammy.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
[Memory 1 ends]

As the memory fades we are left standing in an empty room with a door on the other side, probably there to lead me to more hurt.

“That’s one of your worst memories? Dean I apologized. You know that was the ghost controlling me. I couldn’t kill you you’re my brother. We need to talk about this.” Sam said looking at me with hurt in his eyes. Cas just stands there patiently with his hand still on my shoulder offering me support.

“Let’s just stow this right now, Sammy. Let’s just open the door and see what other crap those bitches are going to drag us through.” I said as I strode forward to yank open the door knowing they would follow me.

Once we were inside the new room and the door shut I realized what this was. Oh god I never wanted Sam to know about this. That’s why I lied when it happened. Son of a bitch here we go I thought as I saw myself turn to face the other version of myself.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
[Memory 2 starts]

(Dean walks into a room and Dream Dean turns around to greet him.)  
Dream Dean-Hey dean.  
Dean-Well, aren't you a handsome son of a gun.   
Dream Dean-We need to talk.  
Dean-I get it. I get it. I'm my own worst nightmare. That it? Huh? Like the "Superman III" junkyard scene a little "Mano Y Mano" with myself?   
Dream Dean-Joke all you want, smartass. But you can't lie to me. I know the truth. I know how dead you are inside...how worthless you feel. I know how you look into a mirror...and hate what you see.  
Dean-Sorry, pal. It's not gonna work. You're not real.   
Dream Dean-Sure I am. I'm you.   
Dean-I don't think so. Cause see this is my siesta...not yours. All I got to do is snap my fingers, and you go bye-bye.   
(Dean snaps and nothing he snaps 5 more times and still nothing.)  
Dream Dean-I’m not going anywhere. Neither are you.   
(The door slams and locks behind Dream Dean.)  
Dream Dean-Like I said... (Raises shotgun)...We need to talk.  
(Dream Dean starts circling Dean as he beings to talk again.)  
Dream Dean-I mean you're going to hell and you won't lift a finger to stop it. Talk about low self-esteem. (Chuckles) Then again I guess it's not much of a life worth saving, now, is it.  
Dean-Wake up Dean. Come on. Wake up.   
Dream Dean-I mean after all you got nothing outside of Sam. You are nothing. You're as mindless and obedient as an attack dog.   
(Dream Dean comes to a stop in front of Dean)  
Dean-That's not true.  
Dream Dean- No? What are the things that you want? What are the things that you dream? I mean your car--that's dads. Your favorite leather jacket--dads. Your music--dads. Do you even have an original thought? No. No, all there is, is "Watch out for Sammy. Look after your little brother, boy." You can still hear your dad's voice in your head, can't you? Clear as a bell.   
Dean-Just shut up.   
Dream Dean-I mean, think about it. All he ever did was train you...boss you around. But Sam...Sam, he doted on. Sam, he loved.   
Dean-I mean it. I'm getting angry.   
Dream Dean-Dad knew who you really were--A good soldier and nothing else. Daddy's blunt little instrument. Your own father didn't care whether you lived or died. Why should you!?!  
Dean-YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!  
(Throws Dream Dean into the wall)  
Dean-MY FATHER WAS AN OBSSED BASTARD!  
(Dream Dean stands and Dean kicks him back into the wall then hits him across the face with his shotgun and shoves it into Dream Dean's throat holding him against the wall.)  
Dean-All that crap he dumped on me about protecting Sam that was HIS crap! He's the one who couldn't protect his family.   
(Dean hits Dream Dean with the shotgun twice again.)  
Dean-He's the one who let mom die! Who wasn't there for Sam! I ALWAYS was! It wasn't fair. I DIND’T DESERVE WHAT HE PUT ON ME! AND I DON’T DESERVE TO GO TO HELL!  
(Dean shots Dream Dean twice in the chest. Dream Dean slumps back dead. Dean walks toward Dream Dean and looks at him. Dream Dean wakes up as a demon with black eyes. Dean steps back.)  
Dream Dean-You can't escape me Dean. You're gonna die. And THIS--this is what you're gonna become.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
[Memory 2 ends]

“Sammy I know what you’re gonna say and—” I started but Sam cut me off.

“Oh really!?! You do? This was what you saw when we had the dream root wasn’t it? Dammit Dean. You told me you didn’t see anything. Why’d you lie?” Sam shouted.

“I was trying to protect you Sam. That’s my job. I just didn’t want you to get hurt.” I said.

“So it’s better that you get hurt. Dean is that what you really think? That Dad oved me more? You didn’t have to do it alone Dean. I just—I just. Agh! Dammit.” Sam shouted as he turned and punched the wall.

“I believe we should head through the door before this memory starts again.” Cas said as he ushered us towards the door.

God could it get any worse. I only hope that this ends before Sam gets a glimpse at some of the really nasty shit I have hidden away up here. It’s like I told Jo, I’m 90% crap and 10% real. Problem is now Sam and Cas are getting a glimpse into my head and I know that if I can’t handle this shit then they certainly won’t be able to.


	3. Things Can Always Get Worse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I do not own any of the works used in the making of this fanfiction. All familiar writing belongs to the supernatural show.

Dean POV

We stepped into what look like Rufus’ old hunting cabin. I immediately swore under my breath. I knew what this was and no one was going to like it. 

“Guys, this might be a bad one.” I was trying to warn everyone to brace themselves.

“What do you mean? We had some good times up here.” Sam said looking around confused.

Before I could answer the memory started and I saw myself standing across from Sam.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
[Memory 3 starts]

Sam-Dude, you're freaking alive. I mean, what the hell happened?  
Dean-Well, I guess standing too close to exploding Dick sends your ass straight to purgatory.  
Sam-You were in purgatory? For the whole year?  
Dean-Yeah time flies when you're running for your life.  
Sam- Well, how'd you get out?  
Dean-I guess whoever built that box didn't want me in there anymore than I did.  
Sam-What does that mean?  
Dean-I'm here okay?  
Sam-What about Cas? Was he there?  
(Dean has a sardonic smile and flash of pain across his face before turning and walking away and facing away from Sam.)  
Dean-Yeah, Cas didn't make it.  
Sam-What exactly does that mean?  
Dean-Something happened to him down there. Things get pretty hairy towards the end, and he...just let go.  
Sam-So Cas is dead? You saw him die?  
Dean-I saw enough.  
(Dean has a look of anguish on his face when he talks about Cas)  
Sam-So, then want, you're not sure?  
(Dean turns and with a look and tone that lets Sam know the conversation is over states:)  
Dean-I said I saw enough, Sam.  
Sam-Right....Dean I'm sorry.  
(Dean looks sad before clenching his jaw, gritting his teeth, and moving on.)  
Dean-Me too. So you, you I can't believe you're actually here. (Dean turns and walks to the ice box and grabs two beers) You know that half your numbers are out of service? (Dean goes over to the table and takes a seat) Felt like I was leaving messages in the wind.  
Sam-Yeah, I-I-I didn't get your messages.  
(Dean looks up at Sam and opens his beer.)  
Dean-How come?  
Sam-Probably because I ditched the phones.  
Dean-Because...?  
Sam-I guess...um, I guess something happened to me this year too. I don't hunt anymore.  
(Dean chuckles)  
Dean-Yeah. And Sasha Grey's gone legit.  
(Sam scoffs and Dean’s smile is starting to fade.)  
Dean-What?  
Sam-Nothing. Um, she did a Soderbergh movie.  
Dean-What?  
Sam-She did a Soderbergh--  
Dean-No. You, Sam. You quit?  
(Dean’s face conveys his disbelief)  
Sam-Yeah. Yeah, I--you were gone...Dean. Cas was gone, bobby was dead. I mean, Crowley even shipped off Kevin and Meg to parts unknown.  
Dean-So you just turned tail on the family business?  
Sam-Nothing says "family" quite like the whole family being dead.  
(Dean has lost all traces of smiling and now has a harsh tone.)  
Dean-I wasn't dead.  
(Dean stands from the table and walks past Sam clearly pissed off.)  
Dean-In fact, I was knee deep in god's armpit killing monsters, which, I thought is what we actually do.  
Sam-Yes Dean, and far as I knew, what we do is the thing that got every single member of my family killed. I had no one--no one. And for the first time in my life, I was completely alone and, honestly, I didn't exactly have a roadmap.  
(Dean crosses his arms with a look of supreme disappointment on his face directed at Sam.)  
Sam-So yeah, I fixed up the impala, and I just...drove.  
(Dean nods and stares at Sam.)  
Dean-After you looked for me.  
(Sam looks away in guilt)  
Dean-Did you look for me, Sam?  
(Sam turns his head away from Sam. Dean just nods with a look of betrayal crossing his face before he shut down.)  
Dean-Good. That's good. Now, we--we...always told each other not to look for each other. That's smart. Good for you. Of course, we always ignored that, because of our deep, abiding love for each other, but not this time, right, Sammy?  
(Dean has a humorless smile on his face and Sam just stands there looking guilty as hell and not able to look Dean in the eyes before attempting to defend himself)  
Sam-Look I'm still the same guy Dean.  
Dean-Well, bully for you. I'm not.  
(Dean then turns and walks away from Sam and slams the door behind him heading outside leaving Sam standing there.)

Later that night……

(Dean sits down a box full of cell phones and pulls out a pair of headphones as Sam cooks dinner)  
Sam-You want some dinner?  
Dean-Pass.  
(Sam is sitting at the table eating dinner while Dean listens to voicemails. Dean pause the phone and turns a furious disappointed look on Sam.)  
Sam-What?  
(Dean takes out the headphones and turns on the phone holding it up for Sam to hear.)  
Kevin (on phone)-Sam Winchester, its Kevin Tran. Crowley had me in this warehouse, and I just escaped. I don't know where I am. And I don't know if he or---or any other demons are still after me. I need your help. Call me back. It's Kevin Tran.  
Sam-When was that?  
(Dean doesn't answer just hits another button before going back to glaring at Sam.)  
Kevin (on phone)-Sam Winchester, its Kevin Tran. I called you a week ago. Call me, please. I don't know what the hell I'm doing out here, man.  
Sam-Okay. I get it. So what, you want to...strategize or something?  
(Sam stands up and walks over to Dean. Dean continues to ignore Sam and starts another message.)  
Kevin (on phone drunk)-Sam, its Kevin. I'm good. Whoo! I'm so good.  
Sam-Is he...drunk?  
Kevin (on phone drunk)-3 months since you ditched my ass. Haven't slept for more than four hours a night. But, it's all good in the hood. (Clears throat) uh, if you're still alive, eat me.  
(Sam looks away and Dean plays another message)  
Kevin (on phone drunk)-Eat me.  
(Dean starts yet again another message.)  
Kevin (on phone)-Sam, it's been 6 months. I can only assume you're dead. If not, don't try and reach me. You won't be able to. I won't be calling this number anymore.  
(Dean slams the phone shut and slowly stands before facing Sam completely livid.)  
Dean-He was our responsibility  
(Dean throws the phone at Sam.)  
Dean-And you couldn't answer the damn phone.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
[Memory 3 ends]

“Dean we really do need to talk. We need to hash this out with you thinking I hate you and want to kill you, plus lying about the dream root, and now the purgatory thing too. I thought we had gotten passed this.” Sam said clearly exasperated.  
“Sam, that memory is just that a memory. But just to make something clear here, that’s not what this memory was about. Yeah, it hurt that you didn’t care enough to look for me. And yeah, I as pissed and disappointed about how you handled the Kevin situation, but that memory was all about Cas! That was the day I got back and I was trying to deal with thinking I had left him there to die on his own because I wasn’t strong enough to save him. That memory was one of my worst because I thought I had lost my best friend in the world forever and I was never going to get to see him again. It’s a bad memory because I had lost him not because you gave up on me and abandoned me. I expect that. After Stanford, the year I spent after you fell in the cage, and all the other times you wanted to go separate ways to hunt I’m pretty much used to losing you Sam.” I was so pissed that he just assumed everything revolved around him. Didn’t he realize how much I lov—cared for Cas. He is my best friend. When I looked over at Sam I could see a vein ticking in his forehead and knew he was about to blow a gasket.  
“What do you mean you’re ‘used to me “ABANDONING” you!?! Dean, I didn’t ditch you and Dad when went to college. I left to get a life. Something you never considered doing. You had a good thing going with Lisa, you didn’t have to come back. You were finally out.” Sam was pissed.  
I could have pointed out at this point that the only reason I left Lisa and Ben in the first place, was because of him and then again forever after he let me get turned. But I know that wasn’t really his fault he was busy being a soulless jackass.  
“Dean, I am sorry you felt that way when you returned. I thought that I needed to stay to make penance for my sins after the apocalypse. I did not mean for you to be hurt. And please know that I consider you to be my best friend as well.” Cas interrupted probably hoping to fend off the rest of our argument before we said something we truly didn’t mean.  
“Aw hell Cas, I know why you did it. I don’t blame you and I forgive you for staying even though there isn’t anything to forgive.” I said as I pulled Cas into a bone-crushing hug. It took him a moment to reciprocate, but that’s just Cas. Awkward angel till the end.  
I let Cas go and stepped back and pulled him with me to the next door ignoring Sam completely. I placed my hand on the knob, turned it, and stepped inside. Here we go…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> drop me some kudos and comments. if you have any ideas on what a memory could be I would love to hear them.


	4. Famine and Cas

Dean POV

When we stepped through I looked around and saw a sign announcing Biggerson’s and noticed all the customers’ dead in their booths. And that’s when I saw him—Famine. We had now landed smack-dab in the middle of the Apocalypse again, as if once wasn’t enough. Before I could say anything the memory started and we all turned to watch.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
[Memory 4 starts]  
(Two demons drag Dean before famine and Dean turns to look at Castiel who is in the floor over a pan of raw hamburger meat chowing down. The demon blade beside him.)  
Famine-The other Mr. Winchester.  
Dean-What did you do to him?  
Famine-You sicced your dog on me. I just threw him a steak.  
Dean-So this is your big trick? Huh? Making people cuckoo to cocoa puffs?  
Famine-Doesn't take much--hardly a push. Oh, America, all-you-can-eat, all the time. Consume, consume. A swarm of locusts in stretch pants. And yet, you're all still starving. Because hunger doesn't just come from the body it also comes from the soul!  
Dean-It’s funny, it doesn't seem to be coming from mine.   
Famine-Yes, I noticed that. Have you wondered why that is? How you could even walk in my presence.  
Dean-Well I like to think it's because of my strength of character.  
Famine-I disagree.   
(Famine rolls forward in his chair and stops right in front of Dean. Placing his hand on dean's chest he feels for Dean's soul causing Dean excruciating pain.)  
Famine-Yes, I see. (Chuckles) that's one deep dark nothing you've got there Dean. Can't fill it can you? Not with food or drink? Not even with sex.  
Dean-Oh, you're so full of crap.   
Famine-Oh, you can smirk and joke and lie to your brother, lie to yourself but not to me. I can see inside you, Dean. I can see how broken you are. How defeated. You can't win and you know it. But you just keep fight, just...keep going through the motions. You're not hungry, Dean, because inside, you're already...DEAD!  
(Deans face openly shows how much the words got to him.)  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
[Memory 4 ends]

“Well that was fun. Let’s get the hell out of here. I don’t want to be around that smary bastard anymore than I have to be.” I stated striding forward to grab the door handle not giving anyone the chance to argue with me and swung open the door. I immediately slammed it and stepped back.  
“On second thought why don’t we just hang out here for a while? How does that sound? Good? Great, I’m on board too.” I said turning to face Sam and Cas.  
“What is it, Dean? We need to go through that ‘room’ to get out of here. I am sure we can handle it. I have your back Dean. Nothing can hurt you in here. And if something tries I promise to stop it.” Cas said looking worried over my reaction to what I saw in the next room.  
“Thanks, man, I appreciate the sentiment, but I know nothing is going to hurt me. We are in my head after all. I’m just worried that what’s coming is going to hurt you.” I said looking away from Castiel.  
When I looked away my gaze caught Sam’s and he started at me questionably.   
“What makes this memory so different from the others? Why can’t we just hurry up and get the hell out of here, Dean. The longer we’re stuck in here the more time the witches have to get away. Cas can take whatever it is. He’s a big boy. Let’s go Dean.” Sam said before turning and walking towards the door.  
I reached out and placed my hand on Cas’ arm to stop him as he walked by.  
“Cas, it’s a memory about you—it’s from when you were working with Crowley to stop Raphael.” I said to Cas.  
“It is okay, Dean, we will make it out okay. That was a long time ago and I know that you can’t control which memory we see.” Cas said to me looking me straight in the eye so I could see the belief he had in me shining there.  
I nodded and we turned to follow Sam through the door. Once inside the memory started and Cas reached out to take my hand in his in a show of support through what was to come. I normally would have pulled away, but reliving all of this and fighting with Sam had me drained so I clung to the one support system I had at the moment. My angel.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
[Memory 5 starts]  
(Dean is sitting in a chair across from Bobby with a small table between them drinking a glass of whiskey while Sam paces back and forth before nodding to Dean who begins to pray.)  
Dean-Castiel, uh...we need you for a little powwow down here, so come on down.  
(Wings flapping and Cas appears behind Sam across from Dean.)  
Castiel-Hello.   
Bobby-oh, Johnny on the spot.   
Castiel-You're still here.   
Sam-Yeah, we had to bury the bodies.   
Dean-And we found a little whiskey. (Raises his glass in a salute towards Cas.) Thanks for coming.   
Castiel-How can I help?  
Sam-Oh, look. We, um--we have a new plan. We think we've finally figured out a way to track down Crowley.   
(Sam opens his notebook and looks in it while Cas walks towards him. Bobby stands up as Cas comes parallel to him. And Dean stays seated looking like he's distressed.)  
Castiel-What is it?  
Bobby-It's you.   
(Bobby then kites matches and throws them down on a ring of holy oil trapping Cas inside. Cas spins around before looking at Sam, then Bobby, and finally letting his gaze rest on Dean.)  
Castiel-What are you doing?  
(Dean sits his whiskey down and stands up facing Cas.)  
Dean-We got to talk.   
Castiel-About what!?! Let me go!  
Dean-About superman. And kryptonite.   
(Cas looks around like he's trying to find a way out.)  
Bobby-How'd you know what I said?   
Sam-How long you been watching us?  
Dean-You know who spies on people, Cas? Spies!  
Castiel-Okay, just wait. I don't even know what you mean.   
Sam-What about this demon craphole? How is it so "next to godliness" clean in here?  
Bobby-And how exactly did Crowley trick you with the wrong bones?   
Castiel-It's hard to understand. It's hard to explain. Just let me go--let me out and I can—  
Dean-You got to look at me man. You got to level with me and tell me what's going on. Look me in the eye, and tell me you're not working with Crowley.  
(Dean stares intently at Castiel, still clinging to hope, but Cas says nothing and as realizations breaks over Dean's face Castiel looks away. Betrayal steals over Dean's face.)  
Dean-You son of a bitch.   
Castiel-Let me explain.   
Dean-You're in it with him? You and Crowley have been going after purgatory together?  
(Castiel looks away from Dean.)  
Dean-You have, huh? This whole time.  
Castiel-I did it to protect you. I did it to protect all of you.   
Sam-Protect us how? By opening a hole into monsterland!   
Bobby-He's right, Cas. One drop got through, and it was Eve. And you want to break down the entire dam!?!  
Castiel-To get the souls. I can stop Raphael. Please, you have to trust me.   
Sam-Trust you!?! How in the hell are we supposed to trust you now?  
Castiel-I'm still me. I'm still your friend. Sam...I am the one who raised you from perdition.  
(Dean looks up at Cas when he says this. Then so do Bobby and Sam.)  
Sam-What!?! (Scoffs) Well, no offense...but you did a pretty piss-poor job of it. Wait. Did you bring me back soulless...on purpose?  
(Dean who turned to watch Sam and see what he had to say quickly turns back to Castiel. Cas who looks hurt by the question.)  
Castiel-How could you think that?  
Sam-Well, I'm thinking a lot of things right now, Cas.   
(Dean looks away from Cas.)  
Castiel-Listen. (Sighs) Raphael will kill us all. He'll turn the world into a graveyard. I had no choice.  
(Cas says the last bit while turning to look at Dean. Who looks at him again with shiny eyes.)  
Dean-No, you had a choice. You just made the wrong one.   
Castiel-(sighs and shakes his head) You don't understand. It's complicated.   
Dean-No, actually, it's not, and you know that. Why else would you keep this whole thing a secret, huh, unless you knew that it was wrong. When crap like this comes around, we deal with it...like we always have. What we don't do, is we don't go out and make another deal with the Devil.   
Castiel-It sounds so simple when you say it like that. Where were you when I needed to hear it?  
Dean-I was there. Where were you? You should've come to us for help, Cas.   
(Dean clenches his jaw and looks away from Cas to hold back the tide emotions.)  
Castiel-Maybe. It's too late now. (Cas looks all around)  
(Wind gusting and thousand demons are headed their way.)  
Castiel-I can't turn back now. I can't.   
(Bobby and Sam walk closer to Dean.)  
Dean-It's not too late. Damn it, Cas. We can fix this.   
Castiel-Dean, it's not broken!   
(Dean and Sam look out the window and see the demons coming.)  
Castiel-Run! You have to run now! RUN!  
(Bobby and Sam run out the door but Dean stops and turns to face Castiel a sorrowful and betrayed look on his face before turning and running out the door as well, leaving Cas in the ring of holy fire.)

Later that night…

(Dean is asleep on the window seat at Bobby’s with angel warding on the windows above him. He wakes up and looks toward his feet where Castiel has appeared. When he notices Cas he jerks into a sitting position.)  
Castiel-Hello, Dean.  
Dean-How’d you get in here?   
Castiel-The angel-proofing Bobby put on the house—he got a few things wrong.   
Dean-Well, it's too bad we got to angel-proof in the first place, isn't it?  
(Dean stands and turns to face   
Castiel-I want you to understand.   
Dean-Oh, believe me, I get it, blah, blah, Raphael, right?  
Castiel-I’m doing this for you, Dean. I'm doing this because of you.   
(Dean turns away from Castiel and stares at the wall.)  
Dean-(scoffs) Because of me. Yeah. got to be kidding me.  
Castiel-You’re the one who taught me that freedom and free will—  
(Dean turns around to face Castiel before speaking.)  
Dean-You’re a freakin’ child, you know that? Just because you can do what you want doesn't mean that you get to do WHATEVER you want!  
Castiel-I know what I'm doing, Dean.   
Dean-I’m not gonna logic you, okay? I'm just saying don't…just cause. I'm asking you not to. That's it.   
Castiel-I don't understand.  
Dean-Look, next to Sam, you and Bobby are the closest thing I have to family—that you are like a brother to me. So, if I am asking you not to do something…you got to trust me, man.   
(Castiel looked up in awe when Dean called him family but when Dean finished talking he looked away before turning back and speaking.)  
Castiel-Or what?  
(Dean has a look of blatant hurt on his face before shutting down and answering Cas.)  
Dean-Or I'll have to do what I have to do to stop you.   
Castiel-You can't, Dean. You're just a man. I'm an angel.   
Dean-I don't know. I've taken some pretty big fish.   
(Castiel looks away while Dean stares at him.)  
Castiel-I'm sorry, Dean.  
Dean-Well, I'm sorry too then.   
(Wings flap as Castiel flies away leaving Dean standing alone in Bobby’s living room.)  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
[Memory 5 ends]

I gripped Castiel’s hand tighter as the memory ended and we were left in the room alone again.  
“That was the big bad memory?” Sam asked callously.  
“Lots of other much worse things have happened to us, and that is what was so awful!?!” Sam stated viciously.   
“Sam that is enough. It is not Dean’s fault that these are the memories we are going through. He didn’t ask to be stuck in here. You should show your brother some kindness because he is having to relieve his most painful memories over and then listen to you rile against him for them. We are almost out of here I believe we have only one or two left. Calm yourself or at least attempt to keep your vicious thoughts to yourself. Now let us go into the next memory.” Castiel stated before walking with me to the door still holding my hand.  
I was grateful to Cas for sticking up for me, I didn’t have the will to fight with Sam after seeing these memories again. I was extremely grateful that Cas knew there was only a couple left because I didn’t know how much more I could take.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So tomorrow is my birthday so I probably wont be posting another chapter for a couple of days. Hope this one is good enough to get you through. Thanks for reading. Drop me some comments/kudos/bookmarks.


	5. The Worst is Yet to Come and Ruby

Dean POV  
Cas walked right up to the door but instead of opening it he just placed his hand on it and turned to face me.   
“Are you ready, Dean? We can take a moment of you need to. I'll be right here beside you the whole time.” Cas said as he looked up at me earnestly.   
“You're not mad at me are you Cas? I'm sorry that you had to watch that. I promise I don't still hold it against you. I understand a little better why you felt you had too.” I said. I was praying that this wouldn't be the thing that ruined our friendship.   
“No Dean I am not angry. I understand that you have no control over the emotions connected too and triggered by these memories. I hope theirs is just two more and no more. I do not like seeing you suffer through this. I believe there will be one more memory and then we will find the door, but I must warn you that the room that contains the ‘exit’ door will contain the worst memory we have seen so far. Do you have any idea what that memory will be?” Cas explained to me.   
I was very grateful to have Cas going through this with me. I was also aware of Sam sighing in impatience behind us but I had to know something before I could step through that door.   
“And you're sure that I won't have memories or hell or my family and friends dying?” I asked Cas. I had to be sure there would be no more nasty surprises waiting for me.   
“I am sure. Those memories are locked deep within your subconscious and this witch was not strong enough send there.” Cas answered.   
“Well then depending on this memory I'm sure I can narrow it down for you. Although I already have a pretty good idea of what memory it will be. I'll try to answer you after this room. Let's just up get this over with.” With that said I reached down and twisted the doorknob in Cas’ hand.   
We stepped through the door and into a nice hotel room. I looked around for a moment before realizing where we were. I reached down and grabbed Cas’ hand and slid over closer to him because I knew I would need the angel’s support to get through this memory.   
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
[Memory 6 starts]  
(Dean is fighting Ruby about to kill her with the demon knife when Sam grabs the knife and shoves Dean away from her putting Ruby behind him to protect her. Dean and Sam face each other and start to talk.)   
Sam-No, let her go. Just take it easy.   
Dean-Wow, that must have been some party that you two had going, considering how hard you tried to keep me from crashing it. Well, solid try, but...here I am.   
Sam-Dean, I'm glad you're here. Look...lets just talk about this.   
Dean-As soon as she's dead, we can talk all you want.   
Sam-Ruby, get out of here.   
(Dean steps toward Sam and Sam steps toward Dean giving Ruby the chance to run out the door.)  
Dean-No, she's not going anywhere.   
(Ruby slams the door behind her.)  
Dean-She's poison Sam.   
Sam-It's not what you think, Dean.   
Dean-Look what she did to you. Well, she up and vanishes, weeks at a time, leaves you cracking out for another hit.   
(Dean is waving his arms and getting louder.)  
Sam-She was looking for Lilith.   
Dean-That is French for "manipulating your ass 10 ways from Sunday".   
Sam-You're wrong Dean.   
Dean-Sam, you're lying to yourself.   
(Dean steps toward Sam with a concerned look on his face.)  
Dean-I just....want you to be okay. You would do the same for me. You know you would.   
Sam-Just listen.   
(Sam tosses Ruby's knife on the bed.)  
Sam-Just listen. Just listen for a second. We got a lead on a demon close to Lilith. Come with us, Dean. We'll do this together.   
Dean-That sounds great. As long as it's you and me. Demon bitch is a deal breaker. You kiss her goodbye, we can go right now.   
Sam-I can't. Dean, I need her--to help me kill Lilith.   
(Dean turns away from Sam with tears in his eyes and wipes a hand over his face before taking a deep breath.)  
Sam-I know you can't wrap your head around it, but maybe one day...you'll understand. (Sighs) I'm the only one who can do this, Dean.   
(Stealing his emotions Dean turns to face Sam again.)  
Dean-No, you're not The one who's gonna do this.   
Sam-Right. That's right. I forgot. The angels think it's you.   
Dean-You don't think I can?  
Sam-No. You can't. You're not strong enough.   
Dean-And who the hell are you?  
Sam-I'm being practical here. I'm doing what needs to be done.   
Dean-Yeah!?! You're not gonna do a single damn thing.   
Sam-Stop bossing me around Dean. Look. My whole life, you take the wheel, you call the shots. And I trust you because you are my brother. Now, I am asking you, for once....trust me.   
Dean-No. You don't know what you're doing Sam.   
Sam-Yes, I do.   
Dean-Then that's worse.   
Sam-Why!?! Look I'm telling you---  
Dean-Because it's not something that you're doing, it's what you are. It means....  
Sam-What? No. Say it.   
Dean-It means you're a monster. (A single tear falls down his face.)  
(Sam hits Dean on the jaw and knocks him over the bed. Dean slowly stands up and punches Sam in the nose twice, then sucker punches him in the stomach, then knees him in the stomach, then uppercuts Sam through the door before chasing after him. Sam blocks the next punch before needing in the face and stomach. Sam punches Dean three times for an ox him into a mirror. Dean turns around and swings, but Sam dodges the blow and throws Dean through the wall divider and into a glass table before hitting the floor. Dean lays on his back and Sam steps through the new hole in the wall and proceeds to start choking Dean. Sam stops as Dean begins losing consciousness and stands up leaving Dean on the ground.)  
Sam-You don't know me. You never did. And you never will.   
(Sam steps over Dean and heads to the door.)  
Dean-You walk out that door...don't you ever come back.   
(Sam turns and faces Dean before he opens the door and walks out.)

Later....

(Dean is trying to break down the door to stop Sam from killing Lilith and it finally opens he throws the candle holder down and yanks out Ruby's knife stalking over to where Ruby and Sam are sitting. Ruby jumps up to face Dean.)  
Ruby-You're too late.   
Dean-I don't care.   
(Sam grabs and holds Ruby as Dean closes in and slams the knife through her stomach, he stares at her before twisting the knife and then yanking it out and letting her fall down, dead. Dean then slowly turns to face Sam with a leery look on his face showing his doubts about Sam and his betrayal.)  
Sam-I'm sorry.   
(Sam looks at Dean with utter heartbreak on his face from starting the apocalypse and betraying his brother.)  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------  
[Memory 6 ends]

“Are you serious!?! Is every memory you have about me bad? Why is it that almost every memory we have seen have been about me doing something wrong? Is that how you see me Dean? Your little brother who messes everything up?” Sam was furious I could tell I started to say something but he wasn't done yet.   
“What about all the times you've ruined everything? What about Dad!?!—“ Sam was starting to say before he was cut off.   
“That is ENOUGH! Sam stop. This is not your brothers fault and neither was that. You will refrain from saying anything else till we are all conscious. I will talk to your brother for a moment and until we are finished talking go stand beside the door and wait for us there. Do not open the door. Dean or myself will open it.” Cas cut in and I could tell he wasn't kidding and obviously so could Sam because he didn't say another word and walked past to stand by the door with bitchface #268 on.   
“Dean it is okay. Now forget what your brother said. He is just tired and ready to leave. Now tell me what you believe the last room will be before we enter it.” At Castiel's word I felt pain lance through my heart at the though of what I was probably about to come face to face with.   
I looked down at the floor and muttered a name very quietly. I knew Castiel heard me because I heard him suck in a breath.   
“Gabriel.” I looked at him and said it again just a little louder before waiting for his response.


	6. The Worst...Gabriel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning this memory differs from canon and while a lot of the memory is from the show I have tweaked it to fir my storyline. this is also the last memory.
> 
> I thought you might enjoy seeing where my inspiration for this story came from and why I decided to add Gabriel.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCP0a8wsCew 
> 
> (I don't own and didn't create this video)
> 
> Still no copyright intended I do not own these characters or the memory scenes.

Dean POV

“Oh Dean, it’s going to be okay. Just try not to watch what happens. Turn away and it will be over before you know it. I know about the bond you felt towards my brother and I feel your pain at his passing, but it wasn’t your fault Dean. Now the sooner we go in the sooner we can leave.” Cas spoke while gently herding me toward the door. We walked pass Sam and he reached out and opened it before ushering me inside before following. Sam brought up the rear and closed the door once we were inside.  
I turned to face the fall away from the scene that was appearing in front of us, but I quickly lost the will to ignore it when I heard his voice. I hastily decided that seeing him now would be better than never seeing him again. Even if it was a horrible memory.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
[Memory 7 starts]  
(Dean and Sam are hiding behind a table while Lucifer and Kali fight.)  
Sam-Are you okay?  
(Gabriel appears behind Dean and Sam and they jerk their heads around to face him.)  
Gabriel-Not really. Better late than never, huh?  
(Gabriel slams DVD case against Dean’s abdomen.)  
Gabriel-Guard this with your life.  
(Lucifer gets tossed away from Kali before he can kill her and Gabriel is standing over her angel sword at the ready.)  
Gabriel¬-Lucy. I'm home.  
(Lucifer stands and stalks toward Kali but Gabriel moves in front of her and raises his sword.)  
Gabriel-Not this time.  
(Gabriel reaches down and pulls Kali up beside him still holding his sword out against Lucifer.)  
Gabriel-Guys! Get her out of here.  
(Sam and Dean stand up and come around the table taking Kali from Gabriel when he hands her off to them. Gabriel stays in front of them with his sword raised and circles around Lucifer till he’s standing in front of the door while Lucifer in front of him.)  
Lucifer-Over a girl. Gabriel, really? I mean I knew you were slumming, but…I hope you didn’t catch anything. (disgusted look crosses Lucifer’s face)  
Gabriel-Lucifer, you’re my brother, and I love you. But you are a great big bag of dicks.  
Lucifer-What did you just say to me?  
(Lucifer steps toward Gabriel and Gabriel raises his sword and Lucifer stops.)  
Gabriel-Look at yourself. “Boo-hoo. Daddy was mean to me, so I’m gonna smash up all of his toys.”  
Lucifer-Watch your tone.  
Gabriel-Play the victim all you want. But you and me—we know the truth. Dad loved you best. More than Michael. More than me. Then he brought the new baby home, and you couldn’t handle it. So all this is just a great big temper tantrum. (lifts his sword) Time to grow up.

Meanwhile outside…  
(Dean and Sam usher Kali into the car and then once Sam is in Dean runs back inside to help Gabriel he gets in and has a vantage point of the room and stays and atches he can see Gabriel behind Lucifer and a visage of Gabriel in front of Lucifer engaging him in conversation. Dean stays out of sight to not give Gabriel away.)

In the room…

Lucifer-Gabriel, if you’re doing this for Michael—  
Gabriel-Screw him. If he were standing here, I’d shiv his ass too.  
Lucifer-(Scoffs) You disloyal—  
Gabriel-Oh, I’m loyal. To them.  
Lucifer-Who? These…so-called Gods?  
Gabriel-To people, Lucifer. People.  
Lucifer-So you’re willing to die for a pile of cockroaches? Why?  
Gabriel-Because Dad was right. They are better than us.  
Lucifer-They are broken, flawed abortions.  
Gabriel-Damn right, they’re flawed. (Deep breath) But a lot of them try…to do better. To forgive. And you should see the spearmint rhino. I’ve been riding the pine a long time, but I’m in the game now. And I’m not on your side or Michael’s. I’m on theirs.  
Lucifer-Brother, don’t make me do this.  
Gabriel-No one makes us do anything.  
Lucifer-I know you think you’re doing the right thing, Gabriel. But I know where your heart truly lies.  
(Gabriel raises his sword and goes to stab Lucifer in the back but Lucifer spins around and uses Gabriel’s momentum against him and shoves the sword into Gabriel’s heart.)  
Lucifer-Here.  
(The visage of Gabriel disappears.)  
Lucifer-Amateur hocus-pocus. Don’t forget—you learned all your tricks from me, little brother.  
(Lucifer slams the sword into Gabriel’s heart and instantly Gabriel’s grace flies out of his eyes and mouth. And his wings burn into the floor.)  
(Dean watches Gabriel's body fall to the floor helpless to do anything to save him. He turns and runs out of the building, hops into the impala, ignores Sam’s questions, and speeds off.)  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
[Memory 7 ends]

I couldn’t breathe that was the first thing I noticed as the scene faded away and I continued to stare at the space where Gabriel’s body had previously occupied. I faintly heard my name being called and looked in the direction I thought it was coming from. Cas’ face filled my vision and slowly his voice filtered into my consciousness.  
“Dean. Dean! You need to breathe. That’s right. Good. Again. Breathe with me. In. out. In. out. Keep going. That’s better. Are you okay?” Cas calmly and patiently talked me through my panic attack at seeing Gabriel killed again.  
I couldn’t talk so I just shook my head; I wasn’t okay and I didn’t have the energy to put up a front. It felt like someone had ripped the scab off a raw, deep, bloody wound and expected a band aid to fix the problem.  
“Can we just leave?” I asked as I turned to the door noticing Sam for the first time since this memory started. He was standing by the door impatiently tapping his foot. I walked past him slowly and opened the door letting Sam pass me and walk through disappearing from sight.  
Cas walked up beside me and turned to face me. He looked into my eyes as if searching for something and then placed a hand on my shoulder.  
“Dean I have my powers back and I can take you to a pleasant memory of Gabriel if you would like before we leave?” he asked.  
“N-no. That’s okay. I just want to get out of here and put it behind me.” I spoke as I turned and began walking out the door.  
I gasped and jerked up into a sitting position. I was sitting on the floor of the old abandoned house in front of the door I had opened earlier Sam a few steps behind me. I looked up when a hand materialized in front of me to see Cas. He had obviously followed us here. I grabbed his hand and let him pull me to my feet. Once standing I turned and offered my hand to Sam but he ignored it and got up on his own. Obviously he was still pissed about what had just happened.  
We all walked out and climbed in the impala and drove back to the hotel we were staying at. No one talked the whole ride. We all knew we had lost the witches, but there was always the chance we’d run into them again in the future. Once inside the hotel room Sam packed his bag and then turned to stare at me as I finished packing mine.  
“Well can we talk now? Or is your guardian angel going to step in and stop it this time too?” Sam asked while glaring at Cas.  
“Go ahead and say what you have too. Get it over with so we can get the hell out of this damn town.” I sat my bag on the bed and turned to face Sam while Cas watched from the sidelines.  
“What the hell was all that!?! I thought we had moved passed all that shit and put it in the past, but obviously you’re still clinging to the past mistakes I made and holding them against me. All of your worst memories were of me. Am I that bad Dean? Why wasn’t Mom and Dad, hell even Bobby, why weren’t their deaths there? All you see is the mistakes I’ve made. And why was Gabriel the ‘worst’ memory of all? After all that winged-dick did to us.” Sam was red in the face and slowly getting louder and louder.  
“Sam I do have those as bad memories. They’re just so bad I keep them locked away with my memories of hell. And don’t you even start talking bad about Gabriel. He gave up his life for us. Yeah he might’ve made some mistakes in the way he tried to keep us from starting the apocalypse, but when we needed him he was always there! It’s not like I could control where we were ending up. It’s not like I tried to personally think bad thoughts about you. It wasn’t up to me. I’m so sorry that it was hard for you too have to go through that, but what about me!?! I had to relieve some of the worst moments in my life and listen to you bitch about them. I had to let my little brother and my best friend see the worst things in my head. My private thoughts.” I was getting just as mad as Sam now.  
“While we’re talking about that what’s with the lying to me about some of that Dean? And you know you had plenty of stuff in there that was considered my fault, but what about the stuff you did? I might have let Lucifer out, but I never would’ve got the chance if you hadn’t have started the apocalypse. Or you know all of it might not have happened if you weren’t so scared of being alone and so needy that you came and got me out of college, where I had a normal life for once, and pulled me back into the life. I know you were mad after purgatory because I left the life, but have you ever considered that if it wasn’t for you I would still have a normal life?” Sam said reaching down and grabbing his bags.  
“Well I’m sorry your life is so bad. And that I wanted you in mine. And if I lied to you or did things it was to protect you. I thought that’s what brothers did?” I asked.  
“Yeah, well Dean you would know. I’m leaving, and I’m going back to Amelia to have the normal life that I deserve. Don’t try to contact me. I need time away from you and this life.” Sam said before walking out the door and slamming it behind him with a note of finality before I could say anything else.  
After Sam was gone I turned to look at Cas as my knees gave out and I fell on the bed. I couldn’t believe this is what broke us up. Oh great, now I sound like some teenage girl angsting over her first relationship. I fall back on the bed and just stare at the ceiling. I feel the bed dip beside me and know that Cas was sitting there.  
He didn't say anything and neither did I just layer there thinking over the events of the past few hours. I tried my best to keep my mind from going to Gabriel. It felt wonderful again after so many years—God I can't believe it's been years—of him being gone. We successfully stopped the apocalypse, saved Sam, stopped Raphael, stopped the Leviathans, made it back from purgatory, defeated Metatron, opened heaven once again, and cured me of being a demon. Now all we needed to do was find a way to get rid of this damn Mark of Cain before it made me Demon Dean 2.0.  
It’s hard to believe we did so much in so little time. Now that I think about it I never really had time to grieve for Gabriel I went straight from seeing him killed to fighting off Pestilence and finding Death. Now thought seeing him die in front of me all over again and still being unable to save him just ripped that wound open again. I knew if I ignored this it would fester until eventually it blew up in my face, but I'm Dean Winchester, and I'm nothing if not a great ignorer.  
So I pushed thoughts of Gabriel to the back of my mind rolled over in bed and got some shut eye. We could leave soon enough in the morning. I knew Cas would still be there in the morning watching over me and ready to talk when I was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't make any of these YouTube videos and all their credit is to their respective writers. I thought you might enjoy seeing the memories come to life. 
> 
> Memory Videos off of YouTube  
> Memory 1  
> 1X10 Asylum  
>  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXDYvBUdVfY  
> Memory 2  
> 3X10 Dream a Little Dream  
>  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYCtt7Oc46o  
> Memory 3  
> 8X01 We Need to Talk About Kevin  
>  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHjGQ2T7lwg  
>  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iG7QkoPyVg4  
> Memory 4  
> 5X14 My Bloody Valentine  
>  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-aJtnM5d-ko  
> Memory 5  
> 6X20 The Man Who Would Be King  
>  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdNqNdvcGxE  
>  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwIxd2EgOVk  
> Memory 6  
> 4X21 When the Levee Breaks  
>  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XI5JTmC_u8  
> 4X22 Lucifer Rising  
>  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhlMiTqFcJU  
> Memory 7  
> 5X19 Hammer of the Gods  
>  http://youtu.be/pKf-SimRPRk
> 
> Thanks for reading please leave me some Kudos and Reviews on the way out. They make my day. Thanks.


	7. The Aftermath and A Gift

Dean POV

I woke up slowly and just lay there for a few minutes trying to wrap my head around the events of the last few days. When I finally got up I saw Cas leaning against the headboard of the other bed and a cup of coffee and a piece of pie beside my bed. Evidently Cas had mojoed my breakfast up. I nodded my thanks and then tucked into breakfast so we could leave when I was done. Thankfully I was already packed.

“Sam?” I inquired of Cas as I was finishing the coffee.

“He is in the next state over at a motel I believe.” Cas answered standing as he saw me do so.

I stood and threw away the remains of breakfast and then turned fully intending to brush my teeth so we could get the hell out of this shithole town when I heard a knock at the door. I turned towards Cas who looked as puzzled as me for a moment before shock and awe lit up his face.

“Well who the hell could that be!?!” I grumbled as I stomped over to the door ignoring Cas when he called my name and yanked the door open.

I promptly stumbled back gasping at the face I saw on the other side of the door. It was impossible—but then again my entire life was spent hunting the impossible. After the moment of shock wore off I promptly drew back my fist and punched him right in his smirking mouth before throwing holy water on him and snatching his arm to check for a shifter. After he passed the test I immediately punched him again before yanking him into a hug and jerking him into the hotel room.

“Brother, how are you alive!?!”

“Gabriel, where the hell have you been!?!” Cas and I spoke at the same time.

“Well I’ll explain it all once Deano here lets me breath.” Gabriel snarked around the lollipop he made appear. I immediately dropped my arms and stepped back looking anywhere but at Gabriel. I was so happy to see him, but I needed to get my head in the game. Because nothing good has ever happened without strings to a Winchester.

“Well boys, how’ve you been? Don’t answer that. So I hear y’all got sucked into a pretty nasty spell and had a big-time party inside ol’ Deano’s head.” Gabriel spoke around the lollipop as he walked in and shut the door behind himself before plopping down on the bed and sprawling out.

“I don’t want to talk about it! How are you here? I saw Lucifer stab—I saw what happened. You were gone. How are you back?” I asked as I turned and sat at the table with Cas taking up the chair opposite of me.

“Well I’m here as a big old present for one Dean Winchester. Dad said to tell you: “he heard your prayers and he’s seen the mark.” I was sent to get rid of it with Cas’ help-and your permission of course. I was sent because there’s only one way to permanently remove that mark without releasing the evil of it onto the world and we’re the only two angels you trust and have certain—feelings shall we call them?—for. Just consider me gift wrapped. Wanna guess where the bow is?” Gabriel asked while lasciviously wrapping his tongue around his lollipop and raising his eyebrows.

“Yes. I see what you are talking about Brother. This had never occurred to me because the procedure you speak of requires an archangel. Dean this will work it is a good plan you should consider it.” Cas said seriously while staring intently at me from across the table.

“Well that’s all well and good, but you still haven’t told me what the “procedure” is. And just what the hell do you mean “ _feelings_ ”?” I asked incredulously looking between Cas and Gabe.

“You know damn well what I mean Deano. Don’t be dumb. You felt it when Luci stabbed me and when Cas died. That feeling that made you think your heart was ripped out—that was your bond recognizing the loss of its mates. Why else would you have reacted so badly at seeing what Luci did to me again? Why else do you think I took Luci on? It was for you. I knew you came back, I could feel you through the bond and I knew I had to do whatever I was capable of in trying to defeat him. As for what the plan is—you remember the mark Cas left on you when he raised you from perdition? Well he’s going to have to replace it on you while I simultaneously place my mark over the top of the Mark of Cain. This will complete the bond between us and allow you to recognize us as your mates. We will, however, need your complete agreement to this. This is not something to enter into lightly. When your soul melds with our grace you will basically have the same powers as Nephilim. You will live a lifespan as long ours and you will manifest your own set of wings. We will essentially be soulmates and irrevocably bound to each other forever “forsaking all others” and so forth.” Gabriel explained as he sat up and leaned closer towards me. Seeing Gabe so serious was what let me know this was very important and I should pay attention.

Well he wasn’t wrong. Just because I had never gave voice—or hell even thought—to the idea of the feelings I’ve always felt for him and Castiel since meeting them always leaned more towards romantic love rather than brotherly love. I knew that no matter the consequences with Sam that this was something I was going to do. Besides my little brother had already told me how he felt and showed where my happiness rated on the scale of importance to him. I was finally going to do something that _I_ wanted and I wanted _them_.

I surged forward and wrapped myself around Gabe while holding a hand out towards Cas and tucking my face into his neck. When I felt his arms go around me and Cas’ arms around us both I placed a gentle kiss to Gabe’s neck before leaning up to catch both of their eyes and saying the one word that would forever change my life. Irrevocably.

**“Yes.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terribly sorry that it has taken months to write a new chapter for everyone, but I have a good reason. My father because very sick in April and then suddenly passed away on May 17th. After this I have been struggling with depression and didn't feel like writing any and I didn't want my depression to bleed over into my story. Please drop me some kudos and comments letting me know if this chapter was okay and what else you would like to see.


	8. (Epilouge Part 1):Wedding Announcement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's been so long since an update. my life has been really hectic I hope you enjoy this though.

Dean POV

18 Months Later…

“Damn it! This was a new shirt and now I’ll have to burn it. Why can’t I ever get the ghost without ectoplasm!?!” I was complaining as I walked into the hotel ahead of Cas. Gabe was going to drop in after he grabbed the chow.

“Dean I will buy you another shirt just like that one if it would please you.” Cas said as he followed me into the room and turned on the TV before settling back against the headboard.

“No that’s okay. I’ve got more.” I said as I pulled the shirt off over my head and tossed it in the trash. I was about to go grab a clean one out of my bag when a face on the TV caught my eye.

“Cas turn that up please.” I asked as I stood there stupefied at the sight of my little brother’s face on the news. The headline read: **Town Vet’s Pending Nuptials.**

I couldn’t believe it. I had tried to contact Sam after the first month away from each other but he had ditched his phones and made it pretty clear he didn’t want to see or hear from me. I hadn’t seen him since that awful hunt. I was stuck in my thoughts when Gabe showed up. I read the headline over again and then sat down heavily on the edge of the bed. My mind was racing when I felt two hands slot into place over the handprints on my arms. As soon as their hands lined up I felt an enormous wave of peace and love wash over me. The TV shut off and I was shifted upward on the bed and Gabriel’s wings wrapped around Cas and I and just put us in our own little bubble. I can’t believe my own brother wouldn’t even let me know he was getting married.

“It’ll be okay Dean. We know where Sam is now so we could go find him so you could talk with him.” Cas was trying to be soothing but it just made me feel worse.

“Cas would you mind going and grabbing the food for us? I didn’t get anything when I felt Dean’s distress.” Gabe said with a _look_ at Cas.

Cas kissed me on the forehead and then the lips before flying off. Gabe pulled me against his head and wrapped his arms and wings back around me once Cas was gone.

“Deano, it’ll all work out. We can look for Sam or we can finally take that vacation I’ve been trying to take you on for the past 6 months. We’ll do whatever it is you want. We can stop in on the way to vacation if you want, that way if it goes bad you have a reason to leave or we can cancel if it goes well. I know you act like it doesn’t matter and we don’t talk about it, but I know not seeing or talking to Sam has been hard on you. I know we’re not ones for the mushy crap, but I just want you to know Cas and I we’ll always be here for you and we will _always_ love you.” As Gabe finished talking he tilted my face up toward him and kissed me lightly on the mouth as the door opened and Cas can back.

Cas sits the food on the table and crawls up the bed and into Gabe’s arms through the space opened in Gabe’s wings for him.

“So Dean, have you decided what you want to do?” Cas asked me while he cuddled into my side.

I looked up at each of them and saw the sheer love and affection shining out of their eyes and I could feel their dedication through the bond. And I knew that no matter what would ever happen between me and Sam I would always have my mates with me I made my decision.

“I want to take you up on the offer of vacation Gabe if Cas is still okay with that, but can we stop in at the town where Sam is and let me try and talk with him?” I knew Cas wouldn’t mind the vacation, especially since it would be the perfect time to manifest my wings for the first time. I just hoped Sam would give me a chance to talk with him.

“Of course I’m okay with that Dean.” Cas leaned in and kissed me through both of our smiles.

I crawled out of Gabe’s lap and moved to sit in front of them.

“I have an idea that I want to make sure you’re both okay with. I thought this vacation would be a perfect time to manifest my wings if that’s okay?” I asked looking at the bed and just glancing at them. I was pretty sure they’d be okay with it but I was a little worried. I glanced up to see if they were okay with it, but before I could ask I was knocked over by two smiling angels landing kisses all over me. I laughed as I felt their exuberance and excitement flood the bond.

“I guess that’s a yes?” I asked through a laugh as I felt Gabe plant kisses all over my left jaw and Cas plant kisses all over my right cheek.

“Of course! We’ve been waiting for this for 6 months, Babe. I can’t wait to help Cassie groom your wings for the first time. Oh baby I’m so excited!” Gabe was talking and steadily pulling my clothes off.

When I glanced up at my mates I noticed the excitement in their eyes had darkened to lust and I pulled Gabe into a deep kiss before turning my head and then pulling Cas down for and equally hot kiss. It was going to be a wonderful night. I put Sam and all our problems out of my mind till in the morning and focused on enjoying my mates.


	9. (Epilouge Part 2):Travel Plans and Confrontations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure there will only be one more chapter after this maybe two. hope everyone enjoys it and where I sent our boys on vacation.

Dean POV

It took the three of us about 3 days to find where Sam was at. He was living in a nice house in the town next to this one, a place called Kermit, Texas. I decided to stop in on Saturday afternoon. That way I would have a day to get my bags packed for the vacation we were going to take and to figure out what the hell I was going to say to him.

I still needed to talk to Gabe and Cas about where we were taking the vacation at. They told me to pick and I had narrowed it down to 3 places and thought I’d let them chose. Just as I finished zipping up my bag I heard the flutter of wings and turned to see Gabe flopping on the bed and pulling Cas down with him.

“Join us, Deano and we can discuss where ‘Angel Air’ will be flying us for vacation.” Gabe said cracking up at his lame joke. I couldn’t help but smile as I let myself be pulled down between them. I laid my head on Cas’ chest and looked up at my mates.

“Well I picked out 3 and thought y’all could narrow it down. Santorini, Greece, because I know how much you love Greece Gabe. The Maldives, because I know you love the ocean Cas. And Quebec City, Quebec because what doesn’t sound good about curling up together in front of a fireplace in a little cabin.” I hoped they’d like my choices. I looked up to see them doing that silent conversation thing again and waited until Cas looked at me with a small smile.

“Santorini sounds lovely, but if you still intend to manifest your wings it would be better to be in a secluded place, and likewise you might feel better if we’re not in a warm place like the Maldives for the first grooming of your wings. We think Quebec City sounds best, because like you said a nice quite cabin away from everyone with a fireplace to lay you down in front of is a good idea. We can watch the fire make patterns for us to trace all over your body _and_ your wings. I’m excited Dean.” Cas said and as he talked about Quebec I saw his eyes dilate and darken with lust and felt it flow through the bond from both of them.

I was very happy to finally be able to let my wings out and I know my mates are very excited to see how they would look. I hoped they would please them. I was worried that my wings wouldn’t be worthy of them, because Gabriel was an archangel and his wings were such a beautiful gold they looked like the sun was inside every feather. And Castiel’s wings were just as beautiful. His wings looked like God had used the same design for Cas’ wings as he did for the night sky. I just hope my wings are even half as beautiful as theirs.

We spent a while that night just cuddling in bed before we got up and went out for dinner and pie. When we got back I loaded the trunk with all our things and then joined my mates in bed for some fun before I fell asleep wrapped in their arms and wings.

The next morning, I woke up around 10-what can I say Gabe and Cas wore me out last night I deserved to sleep in a little bit. I opened my eyes to a face full of black feathers and knew Gabe must have gone in search for the perfect donut so I woke Cas up with gentle kisses. After Cas was awake I rolled out of bed and headed to shower whole Cas got dressed. Once we sat down and had donuts—from a small shop in Alabama—we loaded into the impala and headed to talk to Sam. I know Gabe or Cas could have flown me and Baby but I just wanted to have as much extra time as possible before seeing Sam again.

It was a little after 12:30 when I pulled onto the street where Sam now lived. My heart was starting to pick up speed and my breath was coming a bit faster. Before I could have a full-blown panic attack I felt a hand settle on my leg and one settle on the back of my neck. I felt the panic recede and smiled gratefully at my angels in the rear-view mirror.

I pulled up to a nice two story house and there was a brunette woman sitting on a porch swing with a dog running around the front yard with a bone. I took a deep breath and slowly climbed out of the impala with Gabe and Cas following my lead. I walked around the car and met them by the mailbox. Before continuing to the porch I turned to them as I heard the front door open and close behind me.

“Can you wait here for me? This is something I should do alone I think. I’ll use the bond if I need you.” I looked imploringly at Cas because I knew he would be the one most anxious about sending me by myself.

“We will do whatever you think is best Dean, but we reserve the right to interfere if we fill it is becoming detrimental toward you.” Cas spoke somberly. They both gave me reassuring looks and sent their love down the bond and I quickly reciprocated before turning around to face the problem head on.

I looked up to the porch as I headed in that direction and saw that Sam had stepped outside and the woman and dog were nowhere to be seen. As I neared the porch Sam walked down the steps and met me at the bottom.

“Dean, what the hell are you doing here?” Sam asked with a frown marring his face.

“Well I was in the next town over hunting a ghost and saw the wedding announcement on the news. I couldn’t just leave without stopping to see how you were Sammy. Gabe, Cas and I have been looking for you for the past 18 months. It was like you dropped off the face off the earth. None of your phones were working.” I dimly thought about how that reminded me of the year I was in purgatory but I didn’t voice that thought. I saw the frown deepen on Sam’s face and knew this was about to go to shit.

“Seriously Dean? I thought we’d said all we needed to say after our last hunt. I’m not hunting anymore and I don’t intend to start again now. You should have just kept on driving. You didn’t need to stop here. And Gabriel? Seriously? Why the hell would you bring that winged-dick to my house where my fiancé is? After everything he’s done. I think this is even worse than when Benny was around. And it’s Sam!” I grit my teeth to keep from saying anything when he started in on Gabe but when he started in on Benny-who died to save him-I clenched my fist to keep from decking him. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Gabe start forward and Cas pulling him back before heading my way instead. I held my hand out and sent a mental prayer to them asking them to just wait there. Sam and I both turned around as we heard the screen door open again and the woman stepped up to the porch rail.

“Sam, is everything okay? Who is this?” the woman asked.

“It’s okay, Amelia. I’ve got it under control. This is no one. Just and old work partner and his buddies. Go ahead and start eating, I’ll be right there.” Sam said and I felt a punch right to the gut when I heard how he introduced me. I zoned out for a moment and came back to reality when the screen slammed shut and I felt two hands settle on my shoulders and knew then that Gabe and Cas had joined me. I didn’t have to turn to feel the anger seething through the bond. Sam turned back to me then and I spoke up before he could.

“First of all, **_Sammy_ don’t **talk about Gabe like that. He might have made mistakes in his past, but so has everyone standing here. And second of all, don’t you **ever** talk about Benny again. He died to save your ungrateful ass. He was a good friend to me and to Cas. You can say whatever you want about me, but leave all of them out of it.” I snapped at him as I reached out and pulled Gabe behind me in an attempt to shield him from Sam’s hard words. I felt the exasperated fondness coming from Gabe through the bond.

“Dean you know I’m right about Gabriel. But you can think whatever you want, it doesn’t matter to me. I’m getting married and I don’t hunt anymore, and I would appreciate it if you would leave and take the angels with you. I don’t need Amelia getting hurt because you thought it was a good idea to bring a Trickster to my house. I think you should leave before Amelia comes back out here. Please don’t come back. Any of you. Hell I’m surprised we even got this far without your guardian angel butting in. Now I hope you can see yourself off, because I’m going in and I hope this is the last argument we have.” Sam said as he turned to head inside. Cas took this as an opportunity to speak up for the first time while Gabe pulled me toward the impala.

“Sam I can see you’ve made up your mind, but I just wanted to tell you that one day you will regret this decision and it will be too late to do anything about it. So I forgive you for this. Goodbye, Sam. I wish you the best.” Cas spoke with a tone of finality before he turned and joined us at the impala which Gabe then flew to Quebec before Sam could say anything else.

When I opened my eyes we were standing in front of a small cabin and my baby was parked in the driveway. I walked to the door and went inside and headed straight for the bedroom and crawled into the bed kicking off my boots. I didn’t look up until I felt two bodies crawling into bed on either side of me. I looked up at Cas and Gabe and finally gave into the emotions I’d been feeling for the past 18 months. Today was the last straw, after taking care of my brother for his whole life he no longer wanted to have anything to do with me. I was finally all alone. My whole family was gone—my parents were dead, Bobby was dead, Sammy wanted nothing to do with me, Ellen and Jo were dead, hell even Benny was gone.

“Dean, baby, you’re not alone. You have me and Cassie and we’ll never leave you. We love you so much, baby, you’re our mate. Our _chosen_ mate.” Gabe said as he nuzzled into my neck and they both flooded the bond with love. As soon as I felt that the dam burst. What started as one tear soon became a flood. I was crying chest-heaving sobs and I turned my face into Cas and clutched at his back. I felt Gabe’s arms and wings come around the both of us as he pulled me close and murmured soothing words into my ear as he nuzzled into my neck and continued sending love and acceptance to me. Cas grabbed me just as hard and was stroking my hair and sending love and affection to me.

“Kitten, we still love you and we always will. We’re going to have the best vacation ever and you can get your wings. We’ll have so much fun grooming them for the first time. We’ll all get to renew our mating by trading feathers for our nest. It’ll be wonderful, Kitten. So you just get all of this out and when you feel better Gabe and I will be here for you.” Cas said as he started stroking up and down my back. I felt my sobs slow to the occasional sniffle and I smiled when I heard Cas call me ‘Kitten’ I usually complained about it but I secretly loved it. I snuggled down into Cas’ chest and pulled Gabe closer to me. They both just held me tighter.

“I know I’ll always have you both. I love you so, so much. I don’t know what I’d do without either one of you.” I said as I sent my love and devotion down the bond to both of them.

“Well Baby, luckily you’ll never have to be without us.” Gabe said as he pressed a kiss into my hair. I smiled before turning to kiss Gabe and then back to Cas kissing him once too, before snuggling down and drifting off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will have dean's wings. so I hope everyone is ready/excited for that.


	10. (Epilogue Part 3): Quebec, Special Places, and Wings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long. I've had most of this written for like 2-3 weeks now but I've been too busy with RL to type it up and edit it. I am already working on the next part and have it mostly finished. Might be up soon.

Dean POV

When I woke up I only felt one pair of arms around me and immediately knew it was Gabriel. I wondered where Cas had got off too, but I was so comfortable that I could wait a few minutes to ask.

“He was called up to heaven for something. All I heard was ‘Blah, blah, blah, angel emergency, blah.’ But I know he’ll be back soon. In the meantime, I thought I’d use this day to show you my favorite city before we need to be back here for your wings. How’s that sound?” Gabe asked as he leaned around and kissed my cheek before slapping my ass as he got up.

He walked into the kitchen and I glared at him before he came back holding a donut.

“Peace-offering?” he asked.

I reached out and took the donut before getting up and looking around for my clothes which had somehow disappeared while I slept—probably Cas.

“Sure that sounds fine. Where are we going?” I asked as I finished my donut and started pulling on my clothes.

“It’s a surprise.” Gabe just loved surprises. I finished getting dressed and walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

“Ready. Take me to this wonderful place babe.” And with that the little cabin disappeared and I landed in another room. surprises. I finished getting dressed and walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

“Ready. Take me to this wonderful place babe.” And with that the little cabin disappeared and I landed in another room. It wasn’t quite as inviting as the cabin but it was still beautiful none the less.

3rd Person/Dean POV

Dean looked around in wonder he was standing in the largest hotel room he’d ever seen. But that wasn’t what held his interest. Instead it was the large glass balcony doors that gave a stunning view of the Eiffel Tower. He had never been outside of the continental US before, and definitely nowhere he had to fly—Flight 424 solidified his fear of flying. As much as he used to hate ‘Angel-Air’ travel now that he was mated to Gabe and Cas it was a much more pleasant experience. He figured it would be even better once he had his own wings to fly himself with. 

Dean finally tore his gaze away from the window when he felt arms go around his waist and a head rest between his shoulder blades. Dean grabbed one of the hands and pulled Gabe around so he was facing him and could claim a kiss. 

“Gabe, this is wonderful. I just wish Cas was here too.” Dean said before leaning his forehead down onto Gabe’s shoulder. He knew that it had only been a few hours since he last saw Cas, but it seemed like much longer. He missed Cas so very much. Cas’ mark was aching because Dean’s longin for his other mate was so great and only increasing the more he thought of it.

Gabe began running his fingers through Dean’s hair before leaning close and whispering into his ear: “Babe, turn around and loo. I think your wishes have come true.” Dean whipped around to see bright blue eyes crinkles at the corners from the large smile on the handsome face that belonged to his other mate. Dean practically flew across the room into Cas’ arms.

“I missed you Cas. What took so long? Are you okay? Did anything happen? Are you hurt? If they hurt you I swear I’ll deep-fry—“Dean’s rant was cut off by a bone melting kiss. He instantly wrapped his arms around Cas’ neck and tangled his fingers in the hair there. At the same time, he felt Cas’ arms tighten on his waist and draw him closer. When Cas pulled back Dean tried to follow with a whining noise that just made Cas chuckle and give him a chaste kiss before pulling back to look at Dean.

“If you would give me a chance to answer you Dean you’d know everything was fine. I’m okay and nothing happened. Stop worrying so much. I’m not done yet but I’m taking a break for a bit to be with you.” Cas stated with a fond look on his face.

“Why’d you come back then if you weren’t done? Dean asked.

“Because I could feel your longing for me through the bond. You called me to you. And you are more important than the minor angel problem going on. I will always have time got you. You are my number one priority.” Dean starred at Cas in awe before he was distracted by Gabe chiming in.

“Dean don’t you know how much we love you? How much you mean to us? We’d fight Father himself for you. You will always come first. Always be our priority. Family, war, friends, none of that is as important as you. It all comes and goes. Bond-mates are eternal.”

Dean felt warm all over and his heart felt like it would burst by all the love overwhelming him. He only got to enjoy the feeling for a moment before he cried out in unexpected pain. It felt like his back had been flayed open and salt rubbed in all of a sudden. He fell forward into Cas and Gabe’s arms. When he looked down he saw his shirt laying in pieces and what looked like a puddle of blood and grace. As fast as the pain came on it went away, but it was already too much and he tumbled down into the darkness.

Dean woke a few hours later on what felt like a cloud and based on the wood-smoke he smelt he knew Gabe must have brought him and Cas back to the cabin. He was surrounded by Gabe and Cas and shielded from everything by a wall of wings. Although one kind of looked weird, but he pushed that thought from his mind. He nuzzled closer to Gabe’s chest and felt Cas tighten his arms around him.

“Well, well, well, look who’s finally awake. You feel okay Princess? Gabe asked as he looked down at Dean.

“I’m fine. I feel really good. Can you move your wings so I can get up? And don’t call me that.” Dean mumbled into Gabe’s chest.

“But you are my Princess. And those aren’t my wings. Not only that but they’re one-of-a-kind never-before- seen “Dean Special” wings.” With those words from Gabe I jerked upright and glanced side to side at my wings.

Upon seeing them I jumped out of bed and ran into the bathroom to see them in the mirror. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing but Gabe was right they were one-of-a-kind. I heard Gabe and Cas walk into the room with me and couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THEM!?! THEY’RE HORRIBLE!!! I always knew I wasn’t good enough for you two but this shit just cements it. Sam was right—this is a fucking joke.” I yelled out before catching a glimpse of my wings once more in the mirror and that was just too much for me. I pulled back my fist and let go shattering the mirror so I no longer had to see the hideous appendages coming from my back.


	11. (Epilogue Part 4): Wings and Mates

Dean POV

I felt hands pulling me out of the bathroom and before I knew it I was in front of the fire. I caught a glimpse of my left wing out the corner of my eye and turned my face away. I clenched my eyes shut and buried my face in Gabe’s chest. I didn’t want to see the awful wings. I wish I had never got them.

“Hey shh, shh, Kitten there is NOTHING wrong with them. They are perfect they’re a little tattered and beat up but still so beautiful, just like you. Hey look at me. Look at them. Can’t you feel how we feel when we look at you? Focus on the bond Dean. Come on Kitten, it’s okay.” I heard Cas and I could feel the love and desire and all the other feelings that they were shoving down the bond but I still couldn’t turn toward Cas if I did I’d see them again.

I could feel Gabe talking to me, but I was so wrapped up in remembering what they looked like I couldn’t hear him. I remembered walking into the bathroom and flipping on the lights and then the world dropping out from under me as I caught sight of my wings. I didn’t have wings like Gabe or Cas or any of the angel’s I had ever seen before. Where they had matching feathered wings I had two different ones. And the colors…it was bad. My right wing was huge and feathered. It was an ashy black color, but around halfway down it the feathers started looking like they were outlined in a dark crimson red. At the very bottom the feathers were completely crimson red. So dark they looked as black as the rest of the feathers. I figured due to them still be new that’s why there was blood dripping off the bottom. They were still matted from when they first manifested. I knew Cas and Gabe weren’t allowed to groom them the first time, until I was aware for it. I drew my thoughts back to my left wing—which was the biggest problem. It was horrible. It looked like something from my nightmares of hell had followed me out. It was just as long as my right wing and it had blood on it as well but it was just from the manifestation it was from the rips in it. It was…tattered. It was just as black as the other wing but there were no feathers. It was leathery and smooth and you could see the ridges of the bones all through it, and there were holes and tears in it. The worst part was the small horn on the top inside tip. It looked like a wing one of the fallen angels had in hell. The angels who were no longer angels, but now demons instead. 

“I knew that my soul was damned for what I did when I was in hell and for what I did when I had the Mark of Cain, but I never thought I would have to face the physical manifestation of that. What’s wrong with me? How can I deserve you and still have a soul so damned? Now you have to put up with this as well.” I asked in a quiet voice interrupting whatever Gabe had been saying. It worries me what the others would say to Cas and Gabe about my wings.

“Dean, sit up. Hey look at me.” Gabe said before pushing me back from him and grabbing my chin and forcing me to look at him.

“There is absolutely nothing wrong with your wings or your soul. Don’t you understand? Dean you were the vessel for the General of all of Heaven’s armies, you spent 30 years in Hell with the worst torturer they had, you bore the Mark of Cain, and now you are mated to the only remaining archangel and the leader of Heaven. Father made you ‘the Righteous Man’ no one else…you. He knew that you were the one person who could handle the burden of breaking the first seal and still remain a good man. You are the greatest hunter in the world, the only remaining member of the Men of Letters and you have enough compassion to not just kill every monster you meet. You give us all a chance. You were blood-brothers with a vampire, Death himself enjoys your company, you’re friends with reapers and prophets, you’re mated to not one but two angels—one of whom spent decades as a Trickster, and you even have a semi-good working relationship with the King of Hell. Dean you were made for this life. You’re wings are beautiful and you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Your wings represent strength and resilience and most of all understanding. You represent both sides of everything. You have tattered wings, because you are a true warrior. And the fact that they are so tattered and you are still standing shows how strong you are. The reason you have two different wings is because you show that not all “good” creatures or humans are always good, and that not all “bad” creatures or humans are bad.” Gabe was as serious as I had ever seen him. I could feel his sincerity through the bond and I could feel Cas’ agreement. 

I looked over at Cas and could see that he agreed with Gabe. I started to calm down. Listening to Gabe’s explanation did make me feel better about them. It made sense. I looked over at Cas.

“You agree with him right? You’re sure they’re okay? I don’t want you to be embarrassed by them. I don’t want y’all too look bad when the others are around. I can take it. I’m used to no one liking me, but I would hate it if I made y’alls jobs harder.” I was worried my freaky-ass wings were going to be used against my angels.

“Kitten, we already told you, you are our number one priority. I love you no matter what and I always will. We don’t care what anyone says, but we already know what they’ll say.” Cas started assuring me and Gabe cut in.

“They’ll be jealous as hell that our mate is the best warrior around. Your wings show that you’re better than all the armies in Heaven and Hell. You are the strongest and best warrior. And as far as your soul is concerned, you’re worried for nothing. You have the brightest soul I have ever seen. No matter what you’ve gone through your soul has never turned black. You are amazing Princess and so are your wings. I love you more than anything on heaven, hell and earth; the only thing that even compares with you is Castiel. The two of you are everything to me, no matter what your wings looked like I would have always loved you.”

“Kitten, I know we don’t really talk about it and you don’t like to bring it up, but your soul is beautiful. When I pulled you out of the pit I had to mend your body and your soul and do you know what I saw? A beautiful, pure, bright soul. Yes, it was tattered and a little torn, but I used my grace and stitched the tears back together. The reason that your wings have little stitches in them, is because when I stitched your soul together I used my own grace like it was thread. You have a beautiful soul Dean, you have beautiful wings, fuck Kitten you are beautiful.” Cas got more intense as he went on.

I looked up in shock when Cas cussed. He almost never cursed so when he did I knew he was getting worked up. I was starting to get it. Cas was so worked up, because he wanted me to believe him more than anything. I could feel how much they loved me and how much I mean to them. I sent my own feeling back down the bond to them while I took a second to think.

“You know what…fuck it. If you like the wings and you don’t care, then I’m not going to either. You two are the only people whose opinion matters anyway. I’ve never cared what other thought and fuck if I’ll start now. I think the wings are freaky-ass weird and I wouldn’t have chosen to have them, but screw it. They let everyone know that they shouldn’t fuck with me or my mates and that is a good thing so I’ll take it.” I decided that it didn’t matter what anyone else thought all that matter was that I still had these two and that we all loved each other more than anything.

I felt Cas spin me around to face away from them. I was staring into the fire and I could feel them shifting around behind me. I felt their hands on my wings and moaned at the feeling. I could feel them straightening my feathers and I could smell cinnamon permeating the air as they stimulated the oil glands and used my oil to clean the day old blood and grace from them. 

“I don’t know if you know are not Kitten, but later when we get ready to go out you obviously won’t be using your wings. And since you aren’t an angel, but rather an angel-mate your wings won’t do like mine and Gabriel’s. rather than just going to the angelic plane where you can’t see them yours will meld into your back and look like a really intricate tattoo.”

“What Cassie-boo is trying to say Princess is that you’re going to have one badass tattoo.” Gabe butted in and I could practically hear him rolling his eyes.

I moaned when I felt fingers tug out a particularly bothersome feather. I knew that they were going to be saving that for the nest, and that by the time they were done there would probably be a pile of feathers for our nest. I knew Cas was excited about that he wanted it to smell like all of us for when molting/mating season came around. He was really excited too finally have me spend a mating season. Of course Gabe and I were excited too. Who would say no to a month of balls to the wall sex? 

I decided then and there that it didn’t matter what happened after this I was with my mates and they were with me and we loved each other nothing would change that. not even my freak-ass “warrior” wings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm adding links to the pictures that I used as my idea of Dean's wings. I didn't draw any of these pictures and I don't know who did, but credit goes to whoever drew them or took the picture. Standard disclaimer on anything that is familiar from Supernatural. I own nothing and I make no profit from this. Credit goes to the owner of all familiar characters and commentary.
> 
> http://women-tattoo.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/angeldevil-wings-by-carl-alexander-corpus-christitx.jpg  
>  Dean’s wings as a tat when not corporeal
> 
> http://img15.deviantart.net/017a/i/2008/330/b/8/angel_devil_wings_by_maderpacker.jpg  
>  Dean’s wings when corporeal on our plain
> 
> http://img05.deviantart.net/9838/i/2011/139/3/6/angel_demon_wing_tattoo_design_by_toranokage13-d3df45p.jpg  
>  Dean’s wings coloring and blood drops (tattered)

**Author's Note:**

> Please drop me some kudos and comments on your way out. thank you and forgive the short 1st chapter the 2nd makes up for it.


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